Many, many years ago, when the internet was young, I was a fourteen-year-old sitting in a quiet house in the windswept plains of Wyoming. It was time for the annual court-appointed visit to my father’s house. He was elsewhere. Maybe working. Maybe sleeping. Maybe drunk. My much-younger siblings were in the living room watching Barney, or Power Rangers, or whatever kept a small child anxious to get home quiet and comfortable. Which left me alone with the internet in a time where parents never used computers and no one really knew all the things the internet could do.
I made an email address so I could log into chat rooms. The chance to choose my own name was a heady rush. So many options! So many possibilities!
I could have a pretty name like the popular girls in class! I could have a powerful and mysterious name like the cloaked assassins in one of my favorite Forgotten Realms novels! I could do anything!
So, I did what I still do now when I need a name, and I reached for the nearest book. In this case, because my father is interested in literature and mythology, it was a compendium of gods and goddesses. Athena. Artemis. Hella. There were options. And, because I was fourteen, dressed in rip jeans and flannel with a chain keeping my empty wallet attached, I picked a “cool” and rebellious name. Eris, goddess of Chaos.
This was before the Sinbad movie came out, and Eris was relatively unknown. Honestly, after two decades of gaming under the moniker, Eris is still pretty unknown. Which is why I spend a good portion of my online life answering to Eric.
I’m fairly certain that every woman who has ever gamed has been misgendered at some point. It happens. You’re running around playing a fictional warrior, or pirate, or space marine and the next thing you know someone is referring to you as He because you got a good shot in. I’ve worked my way up to leadership positions in guilds, crews, clans, and more. More often than not, people see the stats I have and mis-read Eris as Eric.
The first couple of times I laughed it off and patiently explained that I’m a goddess, not some feeble mortal whose name means “Island Ruler”. But, after awhile, it became easier to answer to Eric. I haven’t had to go through the doubt and dysphoria my trans friends have. I don’t deal with constant microaggressions questions my humanity (well, not for my gender at least… not most days). I don’t have a background of negative emotions attached to being misgendered, so I can role with it.
In any given week I hear my real name pronounced correctly maybe once, and that’s normal. People don’t use names in conversation very often. I respond to Liana (my pen name) and Eris with equal ease because they are names I’m worn for decades. And, occasionally, I still respond to Eric.